


touch

by CherryBooommb



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hiding Medical Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Levi is Bad At Feelings (Shingeki no Kyojin), Levi is bad at verbal communication so here we are, Minor Injuries, Multi, New Special Operations Squad | New Squad Levi, Panic Attacks, Protective Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Touching, Touchy-Feely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-07
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:41:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 6,274
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27940943
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CherryBooommb/pseuds/CherryBooommb
Summary: Levi isn't very good at expressing things verbally, in order to communicate he has to use the next best thing.aka Levi being touchy with people to compensate for having the emotional communication skills of a spoon
Relationships: Armin Arlert/Levi, Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Levi, Levi & Special Operations Squad | Squad Levi, Levi/Everyone, Levi/Hange Zoë, Levi/Jean, Mikasa Ackerman/Levi, Sasha Blouse/Levi
Comments: 42
Kudos: 257





	1. sasha

Sasha wasn't very good at dealing with pain.

Obviously, pain is something that is experienced by everyone, however, depending on the person it could be something that does not even phase them, to something so unbearable that they want to die. And for Sasha Braus, it was more so the latter. Her pain tolerance, or lack thereof, was somewhat incredible.

Growing up in the wilderness meant that tripping over woodland obstacles or scraping yourself on a rock was inevitable. Sasha could recount a number of different incidences where she would come crying to her father as a child, whimpering over a small wound or a bump on her body from falling over. The response however was always the same. 

_"Grow up girl, ya need to stop complaining whenever the slightest thing happens to ya,"_

_"You're a brave girl, it'll heal eventually."_

_"Sasha, you're overreacting."_

Due to the many harsh comments from her father, she decided to comfort herself whenever she would experience an injury. She would wipe away the blood herself and bandage any cuts that had occurred, albeit clumsily. And after that, she would carry on, distracting herself with food or whatever was going on around her.

_I can't bother other people with my injuries, things need to get done. I can't slow anyone down._

This mentality had carried over into her teenage years. After joining the cadets and eventually becoming a member of squad Levi, life started moving fast. Medical tents and rooms were always flooded with people after a mission or expedition, it was overwhelming to even look at the lines outside the tents sometimes. As a result, unless you were dying, injuries were something that a lot of people chose to ignore unless they were very serious or they were told specifically by a captain to stay back, usually Levi or Hange.

Sasha was one of these people. She didn't want to come off as a baby, or dramatic because of a simple wound that could probably be taken care of by herself or another soldier. Combining this fear and what her father told her as a child, Sasha was independent to a fault and chose to not bother others with injuries that were more than likely her own fault. However, it was inevitable that people would catch onto her act.

Sasha brushed away the tears that were clouding her vision as she slowly wrapped a piece of dark brown fabric that she had found on the floor, cringing at herself for whimpering as the fabric made contact with her injured leg. She had managed to wipe away most of the initial blood, however, the deep wound did not show signs of ceasing when it came to the blood it was pumping. There was no way she would get away with walking back to camp without drawing suspicion, she cursed at her uniform for being a light colour. 

The scouts had been assigned to explore the area in and around Ragako, killing any titans that were still there. While they were exploring the area that had been destroyed, they were once again ambushed by another group of titans. Sasha, being the only member of the squad on the east side, was left to fight a titan on her own. 

Clumsily, she slashed the back of its neck by swinging from the right and before she could even find a safe landing, she found herself crashing through the already unstable roof of one of the taller buildings in the town. Before the ambush, she thought it might've been a church or a watchtower of some kind. As a result of the fall, her thigh had been jabbed by a piece of rock from the interior of the building. 

She didn't even bother to inspect the injury and was too focused on the pain and getting rid of it and had grabbed the nearest thing to wrap it up with, which so happened to be the dark fabric on the floor.

She counted her lucky stars that she had killed the titan, but more so that nobody was around to see her crash into the roof and severely hurt herself like an idiot. Taking a deep breath, she used the remains of the fireplace to push herself up from the floor, dragging her injured leg up with her. The fabric was shifting and causing friction in and against her bloody wound and skin, causing her to cry out in pain, but luckily, nobody had heard.

_God, this was a bad idea._

_Gotta group up with the others, I can sort this out when we get back to camp._

Checking one more time to see if the fabric was tight and not coming off, she activated her ODM gear to regroup.

The squad had gotten back to the camp, thankfully with ease, but Levi wasn't so keen on the idea that Sasha was okay. 

He had to admit, the girl was a good liar. Jean and Connie had asked her about the fabric on her leg and she made up some wild idea of how it would make a good sling for holding bread while on horseback. It was something so in character (She had been thinking about food in that very moment after all) that Jean and Connie believed her, and let her go on her merry way.

The captain, however, wasn't as naive or oblivious as the two teenagers were. He saw how Sasha winced once she got back on her horse to get back to the campsite, or how she used Connie's shoulder to lay herself down on the ground beside the fire, or how she placed her hands on her wrapped leg or used her cloak to coincidently mask it. He wasn't stupid, something was obviously amiss. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw the girl get up from the fire and walk in the direction of the tent that she shared with Mikasa, Ymir, and Christa, it was early evening at this point, nobody was going to bed this early. 

Levi got up from his position next to the fire and slowly started to follow Sasha, making sure not to draw attention to himself as the scouts were chatting and fixing any gear or injuries they might have had.

Her tent was toward the outer area of the camp. By the time Levi had arrived outside it had already been pinned closed as if someone was going to sleep for the night. He decided to wait, opening up the tent unprovoked was a bad idea.

It had been 2 minutes, and Levi had considered walking away until he heard Sasha softly hissing and crying from inside the tent. 

_Okay, that's it. No more waiting_

With two hands, Levi pulled open the fabric of the tent, ignoring the pin that fell on the floor. Sasha yelped and shuffled back, not expecting anyone to be around. Her eyes were glossy and red, clearly indicating that she had been crying. 

"C-Captain! You scared me!"

Ignoring Sasha's attempt at an awkward smile, Levi looked down. 

Sasha's leg was stretched outward, the left leg of her pants was pulled all the way up, the brown fabric that had been previously wrapped tightly around her leg earlier was now loose and Levi could now see the damp, bloody inside of it. His eyes widened. 

_Shit, I didn't think it was this bad_

Without saying anything, The captain let himself into the tent. Sasha, starting to look more panicked, pathetically tried to hide her wound by shifting the fabric back to its original spot.

"Sasha," Levi spoke calmly, softly, not deterring from usual demeanor. "Let me see." 

She shook her head, her ponytail moving from side to side as she did. "It's okay, captain, it's just a big cut, I was just headin' to the medics now." Once again she smiled, but her eyes said otherwise. Levi wasn't falling for it

"Sasha. Show me your wound. That's an order." He gently grabbed the bottle of alcohol from her hand, presumably to wash her leg with, and placed it beside him.

"No, I promise it's nothing! I swear! I can stand up for you right now if you wa-"

"Bullshit."

The girl visibly became more anxious as she regretfully allowed Levi to pull back the fabric from her thigh. The wound was deep, fresh and the blood had started to pool and stain the skin around the wound, though the fabric had done a good job at containing it. The captain swore he saw shards of rock.

Levi had basic medical training, nothing major, and even he knew that this was not something to be taken lightly. He gingerly placed his hand on her thigh, leaning in slightly to get a closer look. 

Upon his touch, Sasha let out an uncontrollable whimper and tried to pull away. "P-Please don't.."

Levi retracted in an instant and sighed. "When were you going to tell one of us about this?" 

Sasha didn't answer, her eyes starting to pool with tears once more.

Levi looked back at the bottle of alcohol.

"You weren't going to the medical tent, were you?"

Sasha shook her head lightly, her head hanging down in both embarrassment and pain.

Levi scowled but his eyes spelled concern. "That was idiotic of you, Sasha. You should've gone to the medics as soon as we got back, it could be infected, or worse." He looked down and saw her tears falling and drying into her lap. He leaned closer and made eye contact with her. "Why didn't you go?"

Sasha sniffled. "I-I didn't wanna bother anyone, t-the tents were already so full of p-people who have it worse than me." She weakly brought one of her bloody hands up to brush her tears away. "M'bad with pain, B-But I thought I c-could handle-"

Levi stood up. "Never undermine your own injuries. You're a soldier, you need to be as healthy as you can possibly be." He turned around and opened the flaps of the tent. "I'm getting a medic, stay here."

Sasha obeyed. 

Within a minute Levi was back with one of the scouts that had been assigned as a medic. Her name was Hanna and Sasha recognized her from one of the new relay groups.

The minute Hanna saw Sasha's leg her eyes widened. "Shit..."

She knelt down, opening her bag of medical supplies. "This is bad, Sasha. What happened?" 

Sasha's face went red. "I-I fell through a roof..."

Levi said nothing and Hanna started prepping to clean the wound. _She must've gotten injured while the titans attacked in Ragako_

The captain knelt down beside Sasha, watching Hanna carefully as she pulled the brown fabric away from Sasha's injured thigh. The minute the fabric moved Sasha yelped. "Ah! Fuck!"

Levi thought back to what she had said earlier. _She's bad with pain_

Levi felt somewhat sympathetic towards the girl at that moment. Pain tolerance isn't something that you can control, he knew that much. It's like a spectrum. He was luckily that after years of experience and naturally having a good pain tolerance, pain wasn't something that bothered him often or caused him that much distress. However, Sasha was at the very bottom of that scale.

The girl was shaking at this point, tears silently streaming down her cheeks, which were blushed pink from embarrassment. Levi turned to Hanna again and saw care and sympathy in her eyes. "I'm so sorry Sasha, I know it hurts. I know. But I need to get it cleaned so it doesn't get infected."

Sasha saw Hanna pouring alcohol onto a clean rag and she squeezed her eyes shut, scrunching up her face to brace for the pain. 

Before the rag made contact with her skin, Sasha felt a calloused hand slide into hers, squeezing ever so slightly as if to give her confirmation that it was okay to hold onto it.

The rag made contact with her wound, and Sasha cried. She squeezed Levi's hand as tightly as she could and even grabbed it with her other one too. Levi squeezed back, gently rubbing his thumb along the back of her hand.

Hearing people in pain was something Levi could never get used to. Whether it be a soldier dying on the field or bringing an injured person home, hearing the whimpers, cries, and screams of people in pain was something that he hated hearing, despite his years of experience in the scouts.

After wiping the excess blood away from the wound Hanna and Levi were able to see how deep and severe it actually was, and by the exterior, it looked pretty deep, Levi wasn't sure if it was bone-deep, but nevertheless, it looked painful.

Hanna leaned down and saw the shards of stone that Levi had observed earlier. "There are a few stones stuck in here, Sasha. I'm going to get them out, okay?"

Sasha nodded, still keeping her eyes shut, Levi couldn't blame her for not wanting to look, it was a pretty nasty injury.

Hanna brought out a pair of forceps from her bag and began to work on getting the shards of stone out, hushing Sasha and giving her words of encouragement. The minute the forceps touched the wound Levi squeezed Sasha's hand once more before she yelped in pain, mimicking the same thumb motion as before. She was still clearly uncomfortable, but Levi felt her squeezing his hand back in a more rhythmic way, making her a little more relaxed, it gave her something to focus on.

Luckily, none of the shards were buried very deep in the wound, which allowed Hanna to start the bandaging process. Levi watched carefully as Hanna slid Sasha's leg up in order to wrap the bandage. 

"I'm wrapping your leg up now, Okay?" Hanna frowned upon seeing Sasha's tired, clearly uncomfortable face as she weakly nodded, sick of feeling the pain. "You're okay, I'm almost finished."

One final time, Levi grabbed Sasha's hand as she felt around for it, desperate for something to distract herself. Both Levi and Hanna were silent as she bandaged the wound, Sasha crying out few seconds but ultimately being soothed by the presence of the captain's hand in hers.

Levi was grateful that Hanna was doing most of the talking thus far, he wasn't very good at comforting people, he never had been. He always thought that the physical, tangible approach was better for most things in life.

Sasha felt Hanna's hands move away from her thigh. "There, all done!" 

Sasha opened her eyes and looked down, her previously bloody, dirty leg had now been cleaned and covered up in a pristine, white bandage. she looked to her left to see her hand still interlocked with Levi's. "You might need stitches, but for now this will do." Sasha leaned back and wiped her face. "T-Thank you so much..."

Hanna brushed her thanks off. "Don't apologize, it's okay. It's my job to make sure everyone's okay. Try not to move around much tonight, yeah?" Sasha nodded as Hanna started to put her supplies back in her bag.

Levi let go of her hand and also stood up alongside Hanna. "You should stay here for the rest of the evening. I'll tell the others you're here." Levi turned around, getting ready to exit after Hanna. 

"Wait, captain?"

"Mhm?"

"Thank you. I'm sorry for causing trouble." 

Levi looked back at her, eye to eye. "Don't you dare lie to me ever again, okay?"

Intimidated but grateful, Sasha nodded. "I won't."

"I'll get Connie and Jean to bring you some extra bread."


	2. jean

Jean sat up in his bed abruptly, his body warm yet the teenager was shivering in a cold sweat. It took a few deep breaths and a quick look around the room for his heart rate to fall somewhat back to normal, It was just a nightmare.

_Another damn nightmare..._

Jean peeled the blankets back from his body and swung his legs over the bed. The nightmares he had were always similar and occurred often, yet they still kept him up until dawn's first break, every damn time. 

_Marco..._

The boy leaned down and put his face in his hands, taking a deep breath. The half that was left of his best friend's body had been plaguing his dreams ever since he had found it lying in the street. Obviously, seeing something as traumatic as that would affect anyone, even the strongest of soldiers, however, he didn't think that the nightmares would last this long, months after the incident occurred. In Jean's mind, there were bigger fish to fry, in just the past few months alone he had seen some of the most horrific looking injuries, deaths, and titans

_So why is Marco still in the back of my head wherever I go?_

_I can't stay here_

Silently, Jean stood up and turned in the direction of the door. He was secretly glad that whenever he had nightmares, he never screamed out loud or moved around a lot, he couldn't imagine the annoyance that would be directed at him If he woke any of the others up. 

He tiptoed across the room, careful not to step on anyone's arms or legs as he quietly slipped out of the room, shutting the door behind him. Ever since the squad had moved into the cabin to protect Historia and Eren, the limited space had to be divided. Sasha, Historia, and Mikasa shared a room, Eren, Jean, Connie, and Armin shared another, and Levi had a room to himself, although he was rarely ever seen going into it. There were a limited amount of beds in the cabin, therefore the boys had created a rotation system that allowed two people to sleep in the two twin-sized beds in the room each night, the rest sleeping on the floor.

Upon entering the main common area, Jean noticed one of the many oil lamps in the cabin on the table, softly illuminating the darkness. He opened door to the outside as quietly as possible, the cool summer breeze gently hitting him.

Jean sat down on the stairs leading to the door roughly, and as soon as he sat down he started to sob into his hands, muffling the noise of his cries. 

He wasn't exactly sure why he did this, always muffling his crying whenever he did. He chalked it up to pride. While the boy did pride himself on changing his selfish and headstrong ways, there was still a small part of him that was too stubborn to ever show weakness.

But yet here he was, crying his heart out underneath a starry sky, in the middle of nowhere.

He cried for Marco, he cried for anyone the team had ever lost, he cried from frustration and anger, he cried from the deathly fear of losing another friend, or his own life for that matter. His heart and body were heavy with feelings that were so beyond himself, they were feelings he couldn't explain even if he wanted to. As a child, Jean always thought that he was meant for something more, something bigger than the walls. He wanted to be more, but not like this. Not fighting a losing battle against giant monsters and now their own government.

Jean sniffled, and as if on cue he felt a hand rub up and down the top of his back, It was firm but gentle, not too rough, as if the person had been hesitating at first. Surprisingly, Jean didn't even flinch. He was so tired that he didn't even bother to look back right away to see who it was, the presence felt soothing and calm, something almost ghost-like. He leaned into the touch a little.

He looked back to see Levi, who gently removed his hand once Jean turned around, holding the oil lamp that was on the table in the other. _That's why the lamp was lit._

Jean looked down at the wood stairs, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "H-How long were you there?" 

"Long enough."

Jean turned back around and looked up to the stars in an ambedo like state. He felt the captain's soothing, yet hesitant touch on his back for a few more seconds before he turned around to go back inside, he swore he heard Levi whisper something under his breath.

_"You'll be okay"_

Jean hadn't said anything, but Levi knew that whatever was going on, it was deeply personal and weighing heavy on him. He knew grief and a heavy soul when he saw it, he had experienced it himself, after all. But yet he stayed silent. What exactly could you say to a person who was experiencing such strong emotions?

"Don't stay up too long."

"Wait, captain-" 

Jean turned around a little before Levi managed to open the door. "Mhm?"

"Do you think there's an afterlife? Like a God or something?" 

_Marco_

Levi tread carefully. "I'm not the kind of person to be asking that, Jean."

"Why? do you not believe in anything?" 

Levi ruffled Jean's hair lightly. "Fuck God, believe in yourself, brat." 

Jean found the captain's stoic behavior almost comical at times. After seeing Levi in many different situations, in battle and with others in the scouts, he knew that the captain did truly care about the cause and his fellow soldiers. Why Levi didn't like to express it, Jean would never know, but moments like these did remind him that no matter how cruel the world and other people may seem, there are people who care.

"I'm not going to pry, but if you're planning on staying out there a little longer, at least don't catch your death."

The captain placed the lamp on the very bottom step and tossed a spare blanket that he had been holding over Jean's shoulders, quietly grumbling a "goodnight" before gently shutting the door.

Jean believed in a universe that didn't care, but people who did.


	3. historia

_It's coronation day_

Historia paced up and down her recently new living quarters, unable to shake the nerves of facing her soon to be subjects. Nobody could blame her, after all, it was only announced that she would become queen yesterday, just after she cut the nape of her father's horrific looking titan.

_It's coronation day_

_This isn't right_

_I need more time_

_How can I rule? Will I be a good leader?_

Despite her whirling thoughts, Historia knew deep down that becoming queen was her duty, it was what was expected of her considering she had royal blood. Despite putting on a brave face for the rest of her old squad and the rest of the military on the outside, on the inside, she was crumbling, crumbling with anxiety and anticipation.

After seeing what had happened to the old "king" and how the people reacted, she was terrified of what they would do to her if she wasn't able to perform to the best of her ability, terrified of disappointing everyone. Her subjects, her colleagues, her friends.

She stretched her hands out in front of her to see that they were shaking violently, the sleeves of her white dress loosely hanging from her forearms. She huffed and folded her arms, her hands being shoved into her armpits. _How am I supposed to go out like this?_

_This isn't what a leader should be_

_Leaders are confident. Leaders know what they are doing._

_Why me?_

_Why?_

Historia felt her chest ache as her heart began to beat faster as if she had been sprinting, leaving her breathless despite only pacing around her room. Sheer doom overtook her body as she shook her hands, trying to get rid of the almost tingly, numb sensation from them.

_What's going on?_

_What's wrong? Why am I aching?_

_Am I dying? Oh God_

_I don't wanna die..._

The girl stopped pacing around her room and clutched at her chest, trying to force air back into her system, but the panic she was feeling would not allow it. 

She cried out, holding onto the windowsill for support as she looked down at all of the citizens entering wall Sina for the coronation.

_Oh god_

_Why me_

_I can't rule them_

_I can't I can't I ca-_

"Historia?"

Historia froze at the sound of Levi's voice, she hadn't even heard the older man enter her room. She swung around in panic, almost tripping over. "C-Captain" She had completely forgotten that Levi had been assigned to check on her before the coronation.

Upon locking eyes with Historia, the captain could see the complete and utter terror in them. He could see her ragged breathing and the shakiness of her small frame, drowning in the white dress that the maid's had prepared for her. 

_She's having a panic attack, don't frighten her_

He approached her slowly. _Don't freak out. If you freak out, she freaks out more._

"Historia, talk to me, can you talk?"

She nodded. 

"This won't last long, okay? I just need you to focus on me."

"O-Okay."

Levi was close to her now, close enough to gently pull her away from the window. He wasn't sure if touching her was a good idea, but grounding her with his own presence was the only thing he could thing to do. He pulled her away from the window and into the shade, closer to the wall.

"Are you okay with me touching-"

Levi didn't even have time to finish the sentence before Historia shuffled into his chest, leaning her head on his collarbone and Levi receiving a mouthful of blonde hair. She fumbled around, trying to grab onto the captain's jacket to keep her hands occupied. He took that as a yes.

"Captain, d-don't leave-"

"I'm not leaving." He replied firmly, placing his hands gently on her shoulders, pushing her away slightly to make eye contact. "I need you to copy my breathing."

Historia could feel her legs getting more numb, the panic not leaving her body. "I-I need to sit..."

Levi let go of her shoulders and allowed her to slink down, her back against the cold wall. The captain followed suit and hunched down at her side, helping her stretch out her legs to open up her chest.

Instinctively, Levi placed his hand on her shoulders again, he could feel her raggedy breathing cause them to rise and fall at a rapid rate. Historia grabbed onto his hands and squeezed her eyes. "M-My chest hurts, I'm gonna d-die..." She wailed.

Levi's heart ached for her, but he knew he couldn't let that get in the way of helping the soon to be queen. He brushed his hand down the side of her head before it landed back on her shoulder again. "Look at me. I need you to copy my breathing." He motioned for Historia to look at him. He took a deep breath, held it, and exhaled very loudly so she could see what he was doing. "Can you copy? I know you can do it." He kept his words to a minimum, not wanting to overwhelm the girl, not that he really knew what to say anyway.

He allowed for Historia to take a moment to copy him as best as she could, before repeating the process again until she began to repeat it on her own, concentrating on the badges on Levi's coat to keep herself distracted. 

"There you go..."

He used his thumbs to gently rub the top of the tiny girl's collarbones as she finally began to breathe normally again, still shaking from the aftermath of her panic attack. Seeing her calming down helped the captain to stop internally freaking out too.

"Are you okay now?" Levi trod gently, removing his hands from Historia's petite shoulders, giving her room for more deep breaths and to stretch. He didn't want to panic her any further.

"I think so.." She replied, sitting up slightly. "H-How did you know what to do?" She asked shyly.

"Anxiety happens a lot around here, you learn how to help people through it after a while..." He replied quietly, not wanting to remember the countless amount of times that he had to help a cadet through an attack after losing a loved one, or whenever he would lock himself away after hours, desperately trying to calm himself after a shitty day. Levi found that taking deep breaths really helped him.

"Captain? What's it like to lead people?" 

The question took Levi off guard, he felt himself tense up, "Uhm... I'm not really sure."

Historia chuckled. "I need at least some advice before I become queen in about thirty minutes, captain."

It clicked in Levi's head. That's why she was having a panic attack.

_She was scared of becoming queen._

He shuffled closer to her, the touch of her shoulder near his giving him the confidence to speak on the matter. _God, I should get Erwin, I wonder if he's nearby, he can talk, I can't.  
_

"Uh...I won't lie to you, it can be terrifying sometimes. But you have a support system with you, whether it be your friends or fellow soldiers. Others may think that your judgment is wrong, but if you think that it will keep your people safe, then do it. If you want."

"Huh, so even scary captain Levi gets scared..."

"Obviously, brat..."

_That'll be the last time I get to call the tiny one a brat before getting thrown in a stock for the night._

Levi felt some kind of solidarity, feeling Historia's small shoulder practically glued to his, unmoving. It gave him comfort, knowing that this girl trusted him. She didn't hesitate, she didn't shy away. That is what him being a leader was based on, trust. Sure, he wasn't good at vocalizing it. But moments like these helped his confidence, his confidence in being able to help others. Despite being a man of few words, he secretly hoped that his words would impact Historia somewhat.

The two sat there, Levi allowing Historia to talk as much as she needed, him not saying much in response until the maids came to prepare Historia with her garments and cloak. As Levi left the room, he could hear the maids scolding her for getting her underdress dirty. 

_She'll be okay._


	4. mikasa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOILER ALERT FOR SEASON 4 EPISODE 8 OF AOT
> 
> tbh this sounds creepy but I headcanon that levi watches people sleep a lot cause he feels the need to protect them and it makes him feel calm too knowing that they're safe? probably doesn't make sense I'm tired lmao

Mikasa clutched the bunch of poppies that she had picked a little too tight as she walked towards the graveyard, keeping her head low to avoid eye contact with anyone, not that there were many people around, to begin with as it was quite late in the evening.

The gunshot from two days previous rang in her ears as she closed the gate to the graveyard, bounding past the rows of headstones until she finally reached the one she was looking for. She took one final look around her before crouching to her knees in front of the headstone, clutching the poppies with a shaking fist and tears welling up in her eyes.

_In Loving Memory_

_Sasha Braus_

As soon as the other people who were wandering the graveyard had left, Mikasa began to sob quietly to herself, her scarf masking the sound of her wails as she mourned her close friend. With calloused hands, she shakily placed the poppies right under Sasha's name, beside the flowers that Jean and Connie had left the day previously. She had been with them while they mourned, but she felt that she would be more comfortable and could pay her respects better with nobody watching.

Mikasa knew that Sasha would not want her to cry like this, she would want her to let go and think of the happy moments, the moments that they laughed and ate good food, the moments when they were silently there for each other as the only girls in the squad left after Historia had become queen. While Sasha was gone, she oddly still felt her energetic presence. An aura, if you will. She felt a force inside of her telling her that she must not cry. Crying is pointless.

_Crying won't bring Sasha back_

Yet, the black-haired girl found herself unable to control her tears as she crouched down into an even smaller ball, her head leaning against the headstone and her hands clasped around her shins. 

The sun was slowly beginning to set, the orange and pink sky fading into a dark blue, close to nightfall. Mikasa ignored this. It wasn't often that she had time off as a soldier, and by god was she going to use this grace period to stay with Sasha as long as she could. 

The cold of the night time was starting to set in. Mikasa wondered if Sasha was someplace warm, somewhere with lots of food and laughter, a place where all of her worries were left behind her permanently. Mikasa didn't consider herself a religious person, however, the idea of her friend being in a place other than six feet below her in a wooden box was somewhat comforting.

She pulled her scarf up above her nose as she began to sob harder, her whole body shaking from the impact as she leaned her head further on Sasha's headstone.

"Why..."

It was rare that Mikasa allowed herself to cry like this. Unless the situation was dire, she wasn't one for outwardly expressing anything other than anger or her protective nature. But now, she was alone, alone with enough time to think of her fallen friend. 

Or, at least she thought she was alone.

Levi had entered the graveyard from the opposite gate, Mikasa's back was facing him and she hadn't noticed him slowly approaching Sasha's grave

The captain was perplexed. In all of the years he had known her, he still hadn't gotten used to the sound of her crying, considering it didn't happen often. But, Levi noted that this cry was similar to what he remembered when he was going to give the serum to Erwin, and the fight that had ensued. It was something otherworldly, something made from deep emotional pain, something that would cause your chest to ache and your body to shake.

Mikasa almost leaped out of her skin as Levi gently placed his hand on her heaving shoulder, using it as a support to lean down and place a bouquet of daffodils, which were neatly wrapped with a white, silk bow. They looked expensive. 

Mikasa sat up immediately, pulling her scarf down from her face. "Captain. What are you doing here?" 

Levi's hardened expression softened ever so slightly upon seeing her face.

"Same reason as you."

"..."

"Don't let me interrupt you."

As soon as Levi's hand made contact with her shoulder, she burst into tears again. Not caring if anyone saw her. She cried and cried while the shorter man awkwardly rubbed up and down her shoulder, occasionally patting it. Hearing her cries echo through the graveyard was almost haunting, especially with nobody else around.

His hand moved to her head, where he gently brushed through her short locks. He couldn't remember why she even decided to cut it in the first place. He would never say it out loud, but he thought it suited her. 

Mikasa was slowly beginning to calm down, her breathing was more normal and her loud wails had been replaced with small sniffles and an occasional hand to the eye.

"It's okay..."

Levi internally cringed at the sound of his own voice. He hated talking to people like this, it felt unnatural, condescending even. He had never been good at talking to people in any way other than shouting orders mid-battle.

Sasha's death hit everyone hard, especially those closest to her. But Levi being Levi, he couldn't help but blame himself, even though he knew it was completely pointless. 

_If I had just been out there for a few extra minutes..._

_Maybe I would've seen them coming_

_She was supposed to be safe, she was supposed to be heading home, another day without biting the dust._

_She was supposed to come home._

A sharp gust of cold wind hit the nape of Levi's neck, reminding him of how late it had gotten. He leaned down slightly, offering a hand. 

"It's getting late, Arlert asked me to come get you."

"Oh,"

Mikasa accepted his hand and pulled herself upwards, swiftly wiping her nose with her sleeve. "Thank you for staying with me."

"Anytime."

Mikasa leaned down, plopping her head onto Levi's shoulder. "I miss her."

"I know."

Levi placed his hand at the side of the taller girl's neck, his other arm loosely wrapping around her middle, mind racing for what to say. "Stay strong for her, yeah?"

He felt Mikasa's head nodding against his shoulder before she stood back up again to her full height, cheeks blushed pink. "I'm sorry, I should've-"

"Don't apologize, brat," Levi cut her off. "We all need to lean on each other a little right now, physically and mentally."

"Even you?"

"Even me."

The pair exchanged few words as they walked back to headquarters, Mikasa expecting an earful from Armin for running off without telling anyone. 

"By the way, how did you know?" 

Levi looked up from the ground. "Huh?"

"How did you know that daffodils were her favourite?" 

Levi's brain short-circuited. "Tch, can't remember, someone must've mentioned it a few years ago."

Thankfully, Mikasa left it at that, giving time for Levi to reminisce on four years ago, when his fallen soldier had been babbling in her sleep again while he was watching over the younglings, talking about the daffodils that had littered the land around her rural home.

_You can rest now, our hungry girl._


End file.
